[NEW] Anger Management:

[NEW] Anger Management:

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered. Saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Andy. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell ?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f$ckin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C$nt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'C$nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C$nt!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'C$nt'calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first C$nt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C$nt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"

Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked." Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"

"I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."

"Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Steve, you're a C*nt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called C$nt #1.

Hello." "You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Steve Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

*I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C$nt," and hung up.

Then I called C$nt #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, C$nt," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll do what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, C$nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two C$nts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...